Tuesday, September 8, 2009

6 months old

Though we haven’t gone for the official weigh in, we have hit the 6 month mark and … wow. My baby sweetness, we have had our rough patches. There were those moments in the first few weeks where I thought I was crazy to ever want to have kids. I didn’t know what I was doing – clearly (whenever your Dad and I would watch those “bringing home baby” shows on tv for the first few weeks, he’d laugh at the parents and say – they don’t know what they’re getting themselves into. Regardless of who they were or their preparation! Heck, regardless of whether they had other children!). There were lots of moments of questioning my sanity – on so many levels.

But now here we are – and you’ve charmed us! You’ve charmed us so much that I swear that amnesia has begun to set in! I saw a pregnant woman the other day and envied her! I’d completely forgotten projectile vomiting and headaches that felt like my brain might explode and waddling around 30 lbs heavier- all of it. Then I remembered the first few weeks and thought – yes, I can wait for the next one. But already those start to seem vague and fuzzy at the edges. I just see your warm, puffy little face – your eyes closed and everything peaceful (that must be a photo we have. I’m pretty sure that never happened when I was around to see it – and yet I’m beginning to believe it really did.). Already I start to think I can’t remember those days well - I have to shake myself and know that this is because of extreme sleep deprivation or I want to rush to do it again! Is it because you have finally started napping well in the afternoon? I feel like I’m getting a whole extra day in the week in that hour and a half. It’s actually even better than having whole days to myself before because I used to spend whole days getting NOTHING done. Now, I know I only have a little over an hour so I feel the need to sprint through everything I want to get done! Let’s use ALL this time. I can sit later with the baby. Now I must clean, do laundry, pack up the house for the move – this is the only time I’ll get for it! So I get much more done in that time than I did in whole days and my life has begun to feel organized.

Or is it because I’m starting to see that tooth poke through when you open your mouth wide and I know my days of big gummy smiles are numbered? I see those and I want to run out and buy you a pony – almost as much as I wanted to when I tried to bribe you with one when you wouldn’t sleep. Never quite as much as that, but sometimes almost.

Or is it because you are starting to roll around your crib with force to propel you where you want to go. You may not be crawling yet, but I see that you’re beginning to get the idea of moving on your own. And your legs or so strong! We barely have to hold you up – you’re supporting your own weight and I’m just balancing you. So I know you will soon be running away while we chase you endlessly.

Maybe it’s because you’ve started to recognize me and show a preference for me. You’ll be wailing away with someone else, but stop the second you’re in my arms. Sure you start again very shortly if I haven’t gotten a boob in your mouth in the first 10 seconds, but still. For just a moment I feel powerful and good (Glinda the good witch!) – I have made this baby stop crying and brought joy by my mere embrace! I know my days of this are numbered. Very soon you’ll want Daddy far more than me (almost enough argument to keep breastfeeding longer – like say through high school?). And then you’ll want your friends over both of us. But for now, I hold your attention and I want to grasp that while I can.

Maybe it’s because you have our hearts wrapped so tightly around your little finger, we can barely breathe for the joy of you.

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