Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Getting comfortable in there and uncomfortable out here: Pregnancy – 40 weeks

My Mom arrived on Sunday to await the big arrival with us. The plan is that she can be around when my husband is working (particularly 24 hour shifts), so that I’m not on my own if I go into labor at 2 am. It’s probably good as my sister in law had been offering to stay with me when he worked (she actually did one night last week), and that’s not so convenient for her. I do feel a bit baby-sat though and it’s getting to me….

I continued going in to the office till Tuesday and then switched to working from home from my due date (Wednesday) on. Home is a lot closer to the hospital and I really didn’t want to go into labor at the office. Anyway – the “what? You’re still here? Haven’t you had that baby yet?” was getting old. Well that and… I’d started to fantasize about going into labor during really boring meetings in the last couple of weeks. Seriously – someone would be droning on and on about some cost saving measures that had nothing to do with me. My presentation would be over and I’d just be sitting there while other people found excuses to leave the room / do other things. I kept thinking – man, if my water would just break RIGHT NOW, I wouldn’t have to listen to this person anymore! Ok, how about now? Heck, everyone else looks bored too – I think there’d be a LINE of people offering to drive me to the hospital to get out of here.

But being at home with my Mom every day is getting a bit tedious. She goes right back into Mom role. I’m going to a party this Saturday night for a former coworker’s 50th birthday. I wasn’t sure initially if my husband could go, but figured I’d go on my own. My Mom told me that if he wasn’t going, she’d drive me there and wait outside for me. Maybe she’d go to a movie or a café with a book or something, but she didn’t want me driving there on my own. Oh My Goodness! The party is literally across the street from my office (there’s an Irish pub in the shopping center there). So this is a drive I’ve been doing every day for (just under!) a year. Now, I admit that I did just say I’d stopped doing it a few days before, but still! I’m 33! And it’s February – she’s going to sit in the car? Luckily my husband is going with me, but I did point out that if she did come along – she could go in with me. I mean, we’re grown ups. We can be at the same party.

All these tiny frustrations of 3 adults living in <1200 square feet of space and living with my Mom again which somehow turns me automatically into a teenager again and all that is NOT helping my hormonal levels. I mean, I’m about to have a daughter. I think it’s probably pretty natural to look at your relationship with your parents as you have kids and wonder and worry – but must my relationship be thrust under a microscope right in front of me now? It’s too scary! It brings back those junior high angst moments. I can remember so clearly thinking – I’m never going to have kids because I never want anyone to feel about me the way I feel about my parents right now. And yes, that was just prepubescent angst. I have NO IDEA what it was that provoked that thought. But there it is. Waiting to haunt me. Sitting here staring at me now going – I thought you weren’t going to have kids. May I ask what that large growth is in your abdomen? That’s quite a tumor you’ve got there, lady…

Oh man.

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