Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Moving to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches. Because I joined Costco and they are only sold in 10 gallon drums.

The verdict is in. We are truly suburban and yuppies. Buy me an SUV and call me a soccer mom. Yes, it’s true – we joined Costco. My condiments will now be purchased in buckets – would you like a side of ketchup with your fries? My basement, which seemed so spacious, will now be FILLED with enough paper products and canned goods to be considered a fall out shelter (dang – if only it had that stupid rough in!).

The problem with joining Costco, aside from having to buy things in such bulk that there’s no way your tastes won’t have changed before you finish the package; and the fact that cheap gas comes at the price of 1970’s style gas lines that make us late for everything; oh, and the fact that people are just exceedingly stupid anywhere near that store / parking lot! The place is always full – full of the least patient, dumbest, lowest driving skill people around. Aside from all that, the problem with joining Costco is the “food court.” I know it’s not really a food court. It’s a small counter where they sell a total of about 6 food items – but they sell them SO cheaply. Where else can we go and have lunch together for under $5 – total! Actually, I get all high falutin’ and want the burger and fries instead of the hot dog, so our bill sometimes heads towards $6 – this is my high rollin’ old school city ways coming out. We are becoming regulars there – which I don’t think speaks well of us… But even that isn’t the real problem. The real problem is that for $1.35 I can get a vat of fat free ice cream. And see, the thing is, I’m beginning to think that that’s a serving size. There’s enough ice cream in this cup to satisfy a family of 4 on a 90 degree day in Disney – but it’s an individual serving! And it’s fat free! Heck, I am being healthy there! It’s not like I bought the hand dipped ice cream on a stick – so big that I wonder what sort of reinforced metal that stick must be made of to support its weight (this is cold war technology at work!). Of course, when I do in fact buy that one, I am able to offset its lack of fat free-ness with the work out I get raising the thing to my mouth. So it all works out.

So yes, this is my suburban life. The frequent trips to Costco for ice cream – and hey, while I’m here, why not buy a lifetime’s supply of canned fruit and, I don’t know, lawn furniture – and home repairs.

Do you think my daughter can make it through her whole first year without deciding that I am totally uncool with the air of ennui and disdain usually reserved for 12 year olds?


  1. Oh, wait, wait...don't forget to get new tires while you're at it ;)


  2. We just got a Costco in Manhattan and there's a BJs right by our place, but so far, I've resisted. I think I could do a drum of peaches though...

    Stopping by from SITS!

  3. I've gotten better at the Costco thing. You've got to really know your prices because the big things make you think you are getting a great deal, when you really aren't. Congrats on being suburban!

  4. Stopping by from SITS!

    Haha LOL... I guess I'm glad we DON'T have a Costco anywhere near me and the Sam's Club is at least 30 miles away interstate and who wants to travel THAT far outside of suburbia for that?!?! ;)

    Happy Feature Day!

  5. We don't buy in bulk--don't have that much room for things to store it.

    Congrats on your SITS day!

  6. Welcome to my world! Isn't funny how fast you chuck it all and become a full fledged soccer mom??? Just stick that cell phone up to your ear, get some fake boobs, and become totally oblivious to the rest of the world and you will fit it just fine. :)

    Happy SITS day!!!

    Lots of SITS love,
    Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner

  7. Hmm...if only fat free meant calorie free. Does Costco still have those yummy dollar berry smoothies? Mmmm...

    Your daughter will think you're cool when she gets to eat all that ice cream someday!

  8. We don't have COSTCO, but we have Sam's and it is quite similar to your description. You know that you are a suburbanite when your date night with your hubby consists of a stop at Sam's for their hot dog combos. 2 meals for 5 bucks?!? A night out without kids?!? Priceless!!

  9. I want to join. I keep meaning too. I really must. I want to be a cool suburban mom for sure.

  10. I really have nothing bad to say about Costco...We go at their off times, during the week around 11am, and it's a quick in/out....We love their produce, wine, cheeses, granola, and even True Religion jeans for only $119.00, yep I really love Costco. :)

  11. I prefer the lifetime case of Stove Top stuffing. :o)

  12. I like to frequent my Costco in the middle of the day when it's least crowded. Unfortunately, that's the time all the senior citizens decide to have their free lunch of samples. It drives me insane. They just stand there blocking the aisle with their cart as they blissfully munch on a tiny chunk of a Hot Pocket.

    And the hot dogs and drink? My husband loads up the 3 girls the minute they get there. Of course, the fruit parfait is a must, too. Hey, next time you're there, check out the jewelry under the glass case. I'm serious. I had my husband buy me a beautiful Murano glass heart necklace there. The heart is swirling with pinks and golds and it's just extraordinary. Anytime I wear it, people go crazy over it. The jewelry there is superb.

  13. Stopping by from SITS. I ♥ Costco. It's just me, but I can't resist their wine, crackers, cheeses and occasional kitchen items.

  14. Hilarious post! Stopping by from SITS!

  15. I actually leave one country and travel into another to go to Sam's Club and it's a 3 hour drive - each way! lol Okay, so I do other things when I go to Mexico but Sam's is usually our first stop.

    Happy SITS Day!

    Cheers :-)
    - CoconutPalmDesigns


I love comments! Come leave me some blog love!