Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Now THIS makes me feel old and suburban… (About your tree?)

Day two of home ownership and my husband was at the house trying to get everything done – stripping wallpaper, painting baseboards, dealing with the HVAC guy and chimney sweeps and so on. One of the neighbors came over to say hello. She introduced herself (and checked the place out!) and then said, hey, will you step outside with me? My husband was a little surprised, but said – OK… They got outside and this is the conversation that followed (well, approximately! I wasn’t there):

Neighbor: You know, your property actually extends pretty far over this way (indicating towards her house).
Hubby: oh yes, I know. It’s a big lot (where is she going with this?).
Neighbor: So all these trees are yours.
Hubby: Yes
Neighbor: And they all drop leaves on my lawn.
(Ah, this is where she is going with this…)
Neighbor: I can’t even grow grass because I get no sun.
Hubby: Actually, you know, there’s a type of fescu that is just perfect to grow in shady areas. It has a shallower root base and thicker leaves, so it doesn’t need as much sun.
(Editor’s note here: He made that up. He knows nothing about this. Apparently fescu (however it’s spelled) is a real grass. Maybe it’s good in shade (maybe not). I have no idea why. And more importantly, he has no idea why. He was just trying to redirect – I mean we weren’t even moved in yet!)

The conversation continued…

Neighbor: I think we should landscape it.
(Note – we. We, huh? Lady, landscape your little heart out. I’m pretty busy ripping down wallpaper.)

Finally, Hubby looked at her and said something like – Look, I’ve owned this house TWO DAYS now.

She backed off a little. But then pretty much redeemed herself as a neighbor by saying she would buy the plants if we would plant them.

So I started telling people this story – my Mom, some friends, etc. And suddenly I realized – oh my God, I’m telling stories about my neighbors! I’m having whole conversations regarding the foliage in my yard! I’m like a thousand years old now…


  1. LOL!!! Um...I think that lady needs to get her brain checked. If she is going to buy the damn thigns, then why can't she plant them too?! Better yet, she can hire a landscaping company to come in and get it done professionally...that would be a nice house-warming present! Biotch!


  2. That woman had some nerve to go after your husband after just buying the house. Give it at least a week of living in the house already. . . :-) Good luck with this neighbor. She sounds delightful! ;-)

  3. oh boy are you going to have your hands full!

    Congrats on the new place though!

    your SITSta

  4. OMFG. I'm seriously impressed with her lack of tact. Whoa. "Oh thank GOD someone moved in, now maybe they can fix their yard for MEMEMEME...." For real, guys. Don't worry about wallpaper, unpacking, finding your dinner plates or that little holiday that's right around the corner. FIX HER GRASS.

    High five to your husband for his improv skills. That made me giggle.


  5. You're not an old lady.. you're a proud home owners. It's what they do!

    By the way, that lady needs some help, lol. At least she isn't like my good friends neighbor.. he cut half their tree down while they were away on vacation. The branches were on his side but the tree is on their property. He LOPPED it off!


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